to admit that something beautiful has come to an end is in itself a start of something new.
but before all the darkness dissipate, before sensing the arrival of the new day, before clearing your head, before feeling like you've come back from the dead...before all these, is the lonely, cold uncertain path you've got to take...it's a scary place to be. the unknown, the hurt, the thoughts that linger in your head, the questions, the anticipation of answers you didn't want to hear. all of these shake your entire being. this journey can push you to near-insanity. it robs you of sleep, fills your head with grief, leaves your heart in pieces. you wonder how you managed to get up this morning. everything hurts. you go on like this for weeks. everyday is a blur. you don't remember what transpired at work. you're barely aware of your surroundings. you don't notice your hunger and you neglect everybody else in your life. you feel trapped, and the end of your road.
eventually, someone that genuinely care for your well-being finally shook you, pinched you, and sat you down. they gave you a litany of reasons why it's not good for you to linger in this state of being. you heard everything. all of it made perfect sense. but that's all you did. you heard. their intervention did not wipe the tears, it didn't ease the pain. it didn't sew the pieces of your broken heart and dreams back together. all it did was temporarily ease the soul deep pain, no one fully understood what you are going through.
you cling to the hurt because you knew no other way to deal. you cried til you can't anymore. and your friends gather around you once more. this time they didn't say anything. they picked you up from your bed and hugged you. once more all the emotions came flooding.
next thing you know, you felt light. you slept more than three hours that night. you woke up like something was lifted off your chest. the sun seemed brighter, the day lighter. you were more alert, you walked with bounce and you noticed people around you on your way to work.
there will be good days like this and there will be bad. so bad you feel like you're back where you were weeks before. you MUST remind yourself you don't want to go back to that state no matter how tempting and easy it is to slip back. you must accept that you can't always have what you want and move on. and moving on is a process, it will never happen over night or over 10 shots of vodka.
you must know that it is OK to mourn and grieve the end of something beautiful. but you MUST always remember that it is a phase that you have to get through first. you must unload yourself with the darkness, the hate, the questions, the frustrations, the regrets. this way you'll have room in your life and in your heart to let something better and more beautiful come in and stay for good.
