Charmed

 
My fate was sealed that day you came to town.
I was to fall for you. It’s hard not to.
You landed at the crack of dawn. Of course I was an hour late. But you were patiently waiting at the aeropuerto. My stomach was in knots the whole time. Well, the whole night and the whole morning and the whole day. Well to be perfectly honest, it was more, the whole 3 nights and four days that we were together, my tummy was in knots.
 
I saw you saw me. It was sort of funny and awkward at the same time.
You extended your hand to shake mine. And I extended mine to meet yours but once you held it you hugged me. You said ‘that was a joke! Here’
 
And you had a camera in your hands too!!! Snapping pictures!!! I think you were so nervous you had to do something with your hands and so you keep taking pix. Which I thought was odd. I felt a little weird. But we started laughing and talking and eventually the awkwardness and the shocked of finally meeting dissipated. It was replaced by I should say, joy.
 
We went on our way. Dropped off your luggage at the ‘home base’ and decided we needed to eat breakfast. It’s gonna be a day full of walking and getting to know each other more. I still could not believe my eyes. You actually made good on your promise that you were
gonna come and visit me. That you would fly all of the 3414.4 km that separated us.
 
I brought you to the little mom and pops greasy spoon breakfast nook near the ‘home base’. You were so tall and your legs were so long that sitting across from each other our knees were constantly brushing against each other. There was a spark all right, all 500 volts of it.
 
I don’t remember what we talked about but you kept staring at me. I think that was because you couldn’t believe you flew, on your own to meet me. And that I actually exist. And that you are having breakfast with me.
 
You were overwhelmingly charming and nice.
 
I showed you around town. We ate ice cream and chocolate and hot dogs. Things I would NOT normally eat in a span of one day. And you took more pix. Later that day we took the bus to the wonderful Niagara falls. But as luck would have it, the 2 hour ride became 4. we were stuck in traffic for the longest time and I fell in and out of consciousness a few times. I guess because I was very tired I ended up on your shoulder. You were like a statue, you didn’t move at all if I was remembering it right. But one thing I remembered—I couldn’t say if I dreamt it or if it was indeed true- was I felt as if someone kissed  my forehead, ever so slightly. Like a wind that barely touched my skin. Much much much later on, I’m talking months, you confirmed it was indeed a kiss. You stole a kiss.
 
 
Those three nights and four days were full of revelation.
 
You were the gift and the hero that was sent my way to prevent me from shattering due to other things unraveling in my life at that point in time.
 
You were the sunshine, the constant companion, the glue that made sure I was standing on my feet when the going gets tough. You were the laughter, the shock absorber, the patient listener, the warm arms that accompany me all the way through my darkest and lowest. You were the flicker, the reminder, the joy I carried in my heart. Until one day, you revealed to me, that while you were holding me together, you yourself was falling apart. I never knew. Was I so blinded with my own world of misery that I failed to see the hurt you were bearing because of me? How could have I missed the sorrow in your posts? I thought you were happy. I knew you were but my presence in your life was also a double dagger that cuts through your soul.
 
And then you left. I was extremely puzzled and hurt all at the same time. I tried to be understanding. I thought it was just one of those days when you just need a few days away but the days turned into weeks and merged into months. I missed you miserably. I have to stop myself from constantly bothering you because you never get back to me.
 
I was crying for weeks. Then I stopped and convinced myself you were completely gone from my life. That I should now get up and start moving forward because you have done the same thing already.  That eventually, I will forget you. But the thing is, I still fall apart every once in a while thinking about how we ended up like this. The loss of your presence in my daily existence was so real and so raw. It’s only been two years but you have become very much a part of me that during the first few weeks even until now,  it was impossible to wake up without you as the first thought in my weary head.